111 Comments
User's avatar
CansaFis Foote's avatar

…excellent curation of someone i have never heard of and can you buy me all of the garfield collections #1-16 (not 12 it blows)…

Mills Baker's avatar

lmfao i’m a #12 truther, all others are forgeries

Andrew Diseker's avatar

I only have 1 and 2, but in a bookshelfish way, I do have 12, unless dyslexic in which case I have 21.

Scoot's avatar

Glad to see the substack post taking on the greatest literary minds of our time

Shelley's avatar

It’s comforting to know that our future isn’t a grim tech dystopia, but a benevolent one-man comedy show where the wealthy are simply being "fin-dommed" by an online jester.

It's the most absurdly hopeful thing I've heard all day.

Apparently, the secret to financial success isn't a business degree or a startup; it’s a well-crafted, digital plea for a new bike.

Emma's avatar

This is amazing journalism skill. Can I have 25 dollars for a new headset?

Mills Baker's avatar

DM Mr Boat, he’s flush

Christopher Gadsden's avatar

This is a nice, well written summary for sure and I'm happy to have found you and will follow along for more pieces like this, however: I don't know about GRIFT as the verb so much. I would argue that the tech zillionaires are grifters, standing on the shoulders of talented programmers who came before them to offer dilluted low effort products no one wants but compatibilty compels everyone to use. They even caused the GPU price hikes that make the GPU Don recieved from Altman so hard to get, by buying all of them to mine Bitcoin and to feed thier AI projects. I would propose that Don has been enagaged in UNgrifting, which is not a word as far as I know but I lack a better one. Thanks again for a great read!

Salomon's avatar

I have never seen anyone so effectively leverage their fifteen minutes of fame like Mr Boat has. Anon accounts very rarely see any actual profit from their posting, despite being the only good part of Twitter. I glad he got something out of it.

Venusian Gardens's avatar

This was such an interesting read. I’m glad to have learned about him, and you! Authenticity at its finest.

Geoffe's avatar

Thanks for bringing this guy to my attention. “Fin-domming CEOs and celebrities” is such a hilarious subtitle that while I was reading the rest of the piece, my mind would return to it and it would improve the jokes down the page 🤣

You know, also: you used so much of the same language that I use to talk about Liminal Trickster Mystic subculture that I feel compelled to link you to this article I wrote about it. https://creekmasons.com/p/liminal-trickster-mystics

It’s kind of a link directory too, so if you resonate let me know and I’ll pop a link in there. Not that that matters for any reason or to anyone, but it makes me feel like the world is a more ordered place, which is comforting.

Mills Baker's avatar

I have to note: the "fin-domming" line came from the amazing Alex Posey, who edits and manages this publication! I loved it too. Excited to read this post, thank you for sharing!

Mills Baker's avatar

Alex tells me Randa Sakallah came up with it!

Ana M.'s avatar

"Fin-domming" as a term in this context is so perfect! As Samantha (SITC) so eloquently put it: "You might be on your knees, but you got 'em by the balls".

Geoffe's avatar

Credit where it’s due! Kudos. The rest of the article was amusing enough for me to have forgiven this attempted plagiarism anyway.

Jim Trachier's avatar

This is either one of the most amusing accounts I've ever read on Substack, or one of the most bizarre.

Maybe both.

But thank you for posting this nonetheless!

Wilson Spearman's avatar

“We should have compassion for them; they missed the Boat.”

banger

William Hassall's avatar

With so many forms of Grift to choose from...I was surprized to find yet another being practiced here. Like reading the Irish authors for the first time

Peter Aaron Walker's avatar

Donald Boat sounds like Donald Duck... Since I'm from Eugene (THE OREGON DUCKS), I already know that guy... He's an asshole!!! He NEVER pays for drugs... NEVER

;^)

bradley brooks's avatar

very well written -- refreashing

Catherine Brown's avatar

This guy just seems like an online panhandler. Instead of sitting on a busy street corner, he corners his prey online. If people give to him I guess it's their prerogative.

Joseph Bowman's avatar

I can’t say for certain but I would bet my life that Donald Boat himself wrote this piece.

If that ain’t classic Boat, I don’t know what is. That’s just Boat bein’ Boat right there.

Also - if anyone would like to buy me a boat, I will accept one of almost any kind.

But no sail boats, speedboats, yachts, please. Just not my style.

Lois's avatar

Perfect kicker! Missing the Boat!!!