“Not everyone finds my solipsistic, vocal-fried, Instagram-obsessed, racy, intentionally provocative self to be perfectly charming.”
Ummmmmmm… maybe NO ONE does?
Criminey. Were we supposed to be charmed by this? By you? Sorry, but you sound exhausting. Maybe fun for the length of a brunch… but please don’t stay over. Please.
I can tell just from your telling of the story what was wrong. You were being over the top. What you described as charm sounded to me like attention seeking. To make the excuse that you couldn’t “confront” your hostess in front of her guests is a cop out. At the 5 or 10 hour mark you simply speak to her privately and say “I am sensing that I’m annoying you. What’s up”. And she could say something reasonable such as “I am finding the flamboyance really over the top and irritating. Maybe you could tone it down a little”. If she says something ridiculous or rude like “the gay act is ok in New York but can it while your here” then you thank her for the invitation and arrange to leave.
Providing feedback that maybe you are a bit nervous outside of your comfort zone which has lead you to maybe try a little too hard isn’t asking you to not be yourself, just to adjust to the setting, which is something we all can and should be able to do while still being our authentic selves. That is what the term “reading the room” means.
That is personality. You’re seeing, not substance at work. I know many people who use marijuana and none of them exhibit self-obsessed, run-on mouth. The immaturity of the author is mind-boggling, and to be fair from the photo this person can’t be much older than their 17 year old “baby sis”. The story itself is toxic. I can’t imagine how an in-person meeting let alone an entire weekend would be bearable for anyone!
Fairly judgmental comments thus far. I'll chime in to say I think it's incredibly self-aware to realize you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. It took me a long time not to see that as a negative reflection on me. And let's be real: You were going back to a place you thought was safe with people you thought enjoyed you. It's jarring to suddenly realize those who welcomed you with open arms wish they could rescind that offer. Perhaps you made an infraction without realizing it. Perhaps your hostess grew in a direction away from you. Perhaps it was her recognition that, "Oh... this is a small doses friend, and I just took the whole bottle." Whatever the case, it sounds like you handled it well, and more's the pity if she didn't.
You certainly sound like a very dislikable person. Gross. Why be “intentionally provocative” when it’s extremely offensive and obvious that it’s done to be annoying? Seppuku is what you need.
I don’t know which is more clueless, your behavior as a guest or your writing it up as if it’s something to share as opposed to an embarrassment. Shame. May I suggest some long hours of reflection?
I don’t know which is more clueless, your behavior as a guest or your writing it up as if it’s something to share as opposed to an embarrassment. Shame. May I suggest some long hours of reflection?
Self-awareness is really important, but it is meaningless if one does not want to change. I know someone who has a history of saying to himself and his wife that he just wants to be accepted for who he is: "the good, the bad, the ugly and the evil." He said it so often that he didn't seem to recognize that he was asking others to tolerate his worst qualities, including infidelity. The writer of this piece, the "guest" wants her host and others to accept her as she is, but she seems unwilling to extend the same courtesy to them. If I were the host reading the article, I'd be most annoyed by the idea that when this guest is staying with me, she's disrespectful of my desire for peace and quiet. Presumably one reason people like Nantucket is its distance from "hustle and bustle," not having to be "on" all the time. Both hosts and guests. To the author: consider taking up meditation and learn to enjoy quiet time.
What the heck- adults actually do address it directly and as quickly as possible, in private and with grace. Asking “I wanted to check in with you- I’m picking up a vibe but I’m not sure what happened so I figured I’d just ask. Have I don’t something to annoy you?” with genuine curiosity and intention to put the relationship and group vibe above your ego or need for self expression. Share this article with your therapist and work on these things.
"have yet to come across a tranquil silence that I didn’t feel duty-bound to fill" ... That's not high maintenance, that's just hugely annoying.
Yeah, we have found the culprit hiding in plain sight.
Everything is possible
That you wrote about it in Substack, and your hostess might read it, supports the persona non grata status.
“Not everyone finds my solipsistic, vocal-fried, Instagram-obsessed, racy, intentionally provocative self to be perfectly charming.”
Ummmmmmm… maybe NO ONE does?
Criminey. Were we supposed to be charmed by this? By you? Sorry, but you sound exhausting. Maybe fun for the length of a brunch… but please don’t stay over. Please.
I came here to reply this exact sentiment. Thanks for saving me time
I came here to reply this exact sentiment. Thanks for saving me time
I can tell just from your telling of the story what was wrong. You were being over the top. What you described as charm sounded to me like attention seeking. To make the excuse that you couldn’t “confront” your hostess in front of her guests is a cop out. At the 5 or 10 hour mark you simply speak to her privately and say “I am sensing that I’m annoying you. What’s up”. And she could say something reasonable such as “I am finding the flamboyance really over the top and irritating. Maybe you could tone it down a little”. If she says something ridiculous or rude like “the gay act is ok in New York but can it while your here” then you thank her for the invitation and arrange to leave.
Providing feedback that maybe you are a bit nervous outside of your comfort zone which has lead you to maybe try a little too hard isn’t asking you to not be yourself, just to adjust to the setting, which is something we all can and should be able to do while still being our authentic selves. That is what the term “reading the room” means.
Maybe if you had not filled every “quiet moment” with some kind of talk? That would make me insane.
You make the reader decide your a class A narcissist.
He was on substance 😂
That is personality. You’re seeing, not substance at work. I know many people who use marijuana and none of them exhibit self-obsessed, run-on mouth. The immaturity of the author is mind-boggling, and to be fair from the photo this person can’t be much older than their 17 year old “baby sis”. The story itself is toxic. I can’t imagine how an in-person meeting let alone an entire weekend would be bearable for anyone!
Keta makes people do wonderful things 😂. The timing , 5, 33, 55 😂
Insufferable is the only word that comes to mind.
This is the first time I have read anything from you and can tell you I already found you quite annoying
:)
Fairly judgmental comments thus far. I'll chime in to say I think it's incredibly self-aware to realize you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. It took me a long time not to see that as a negative reflection on me. And let's be real: You were going back to a place you thought was safe with people you thought enjoyed you. It's jarring to suddenly realize those who welcomed you with open arms wish they could rescind that offer. Perhaps you made an infraction without realizing it. Perhaps your hostess grew in a direction away from you. Perhaps it was her recognition that, "Oh... this is a small doses friend, and I just took the whole bottle." Whatever the case, it sounds like you handled it well, and more's the pity if she didn't.
true dat
Never thought i would ever come across a bad substack post of this type
You certainly sound like a very dislikable person. Gross. Why be “intentionally provocative” when it’s extremely offensive and obvious that it’s done to be annoying? Seppuku is what you need.
We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold.
I don’t know which is more clueless, your behavior as a guest or your writing it up as if it’s something to share as opposed to an embarrassment. Shame. May I suggest some long hours of reflection?
I don’t know which is more clueless, your behavior as a guest or your writing it up as if it’s something to share as opposed to an embarrassment. Shame. May I suggest some long hours of reflection?
Self-awareness is really important, but it is meaningless if one does not want to change. I know someone who has a history of saying to himself and his wife that he just wants to be accepted for who he is: "the good, the bad, the ugly and the evil." He said it so often that he didn't seem to recognize that he was asking others to tolerate his worst qualities, including infidelity. The writer of this piece, the "guest" wants her host and others to accept her as she is, but she seems unwilling to extend the same courtesy to them. If I were the host reading the article, I'd be most annoyed by the idea that when this guest is staying with me, she's disrespectful of my desire for peace and quiet. Presumably one reason people like Nantucket is its distance from "hustle and bustle," not having to be "on" all the time. Both hosts and guests. To the author: consider taking up meditation and learn to enjoy quiet time.
My brother-in-law once told a story about how shocked and at a loss he was when someone disclosed quite openly that they hated him. I bit my tongue.
What the heck- adults actually do address it directly and as quickly as possible, in private and with grace. Asking “I wanted to check in with you- I’m picking up a vibe but I’m not sure what happened so I figured I’d just ask. Have I don’t something to annoy you?” with genuine curiosity and intention to put the relationship and group vibe above your ego or need for self expression. Share this article with your therapist and work on these things.